Don’t Poop On The Bengals

As if I couldn’t get worse for the most overrated team in football, Bengals’ officials are now taking extreme measures to eradicate a bunch of mischievous pigeons that have begun to shit on unsuspecting fans during home games at Paul Brown Stadium.

Oh the irony.

Pigeon Poop

The AP reports that stadium officials are seeking permission from the city of Cincinnati to “shoot down pigeons that are pooping on Bengals fans’ heads — and in their food and beer — during games.”

They want to take high-powered pellet rifles and gun down these defecating menaces, although not during games. Moral of the story: don’t poop on Bengals fans or in their beer, or you might get capped.

Now this was originally confusing to me, because the Bengals defense gets shit on repeatedly on Sundays, and nobody gets killed. But then I remembered how many Bengals’ players have been arrested in the past three years.

You do math. The pigeons are only the start.